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We've been close companions for over two decades, who has faced and conquered several hardships, and I respect her for that. However, she has been repeatedly caught off guard in relationships. Her husband walked away, and it was a huge shock. A lot of close acquaintances drifted away at that point, because they seemed only interested in him. She was stunned by her deeply. She made increased attention toward our bond, likely understood more clearly the essence of true friendship.

A Recurring Theme In Relationships

Throughout this period, quite a few in her circle have drifted apart and she isn't sure why. Her previous job suddenly changed toward her, even though she had been an excellent employee, she departed unaware of what had changed.

Present Situation

Recently, both of us retired and are seeing frequent meetups, but I am finding the part I play in our friendship is to listen. I introduce subjects but she shifts them to things she cares about. Regarding political views, she has strong opinions. My effort is to recommend verifying facts and alternate views.

She has been organizing a holiday to a nation I have traveled to on several occasions even called home previously. My intention was to offer insights, yet it was not welcomed. She essentially only wanted validation of her plans. I have returned from four weeks there and she wants to meet, yet I'm reluctant.

Weighing the Options

I don't want to be a friend who cuts and runs abruptly, but I don't think she will ever grasp the consequences of how she acts on how I feel about myself. Right now, I am in avoidance mode. What should I do?

Possible Paths

You could cut and run, however, that approach is not often a smooth outcome we imagine. However, addressing it with a view to a solution requires bravery and openness for each of you.

Therapists recommend applying a effective method for resolving disputes:

"Step one requires explaining how things go during your discussions. Aim for this to be based on facts and basically what a recording device would replay. The second involves sharing her how it leaves you feeling. This allows for no dispute about this. What you feel are your feelings, naturally. Step three involves requesting ways you together can shift the pattern of your friendship."

Remember that she also has a point of view, thus requiring you to remain ready to listen to her. A helpful technique involves stating to the other person:

"It's your turn to speak and I'm going to not say anything for half an hour."

It's remarkably impactful in fostering understanding.

Closing Considerations

She could ignore everything, for those who have a “survival narrative”: they have a narrative about themselves they're unable to release because their very survival is tied to it being the only thing they trust. This is difficult when there seems no thoroughfare here, just dead ends. However, she might initially present this way and then think on your words. If you don't achieve a fix, it provides peace knowing you were open and direct.